Lucy Letby wrote a note saying “I am evil I did this”, a court has been told.
The 33-year-old nurse, originally from Hereford, is accused of murdering seven babies and attempting to murder 10 others between June 2015 and June 2016 at the Countess of Chester hospital.
Manchester Crown Court was told a number of notes were found by police searching her home, some of which read “I killed them because I’m not good enough”.
Jurors were told she was first arrested at her three-bedroom property in Westbourne Road, Chester, at 6am on July 3 2018.
The former nurse wiped away tears as photographs of her bedroom – taken by a crime scene investigator – appeared on the screen in court.
On the bedroom walls there were two framed pictures containing the slogans “Shine Like A Diamond” and “Leave Sparkles Wherever You Go”.
Two teddy bears were positioned on an unmade double bed while among items on the floor were a red suitcase, a large burgundy handbag and a small black handbag, the court heard.
Prosecutor Philip Astbury said three handwritten notes were recovered by police from one of the handbags.
The notes contained closely written words which filled the pages and included declarations of love for a doctor colleague, who cannot be identified for legal reasons.
Next to his name was “I loved you” and “my best friend”.
Also contained in the notes were the words “Help Me”, “I Can’t Do This Any More” and “How Can Life Be This Way”.
Jurors were told that a 2016 diary was recovered from a chest of drawers.
A reference to “twins” was recorded for April 8, the date of birth for two twin boys the prosecution say Letby attempted to murder.
On April 9 a note stating “twin resus” was made.
‘I don’t deserve to live…I killed them on purpose’
Further entries on June 23, 24 and 25 included initial letters which the Crown say related to three other babies, including two triplet boys, that Letby allegedly attacked on those dates following her return from a holiday in Ibiza.
Mr Astbury said a green Post-it note, shown to jurors at the start of Letby’s trial, was found inside the diary.
Part of the note read “I don’t deserve to live. I killed them on purpose because I’m not good enough to care for them”, “I am a horrible evil person” and in capital letters “I am evil I did this”.
An A4-size piece of paper containing similarly jumbled handwritten notes was also found in the diary, the court heard.
One sentence read: “I killed them. I don’t know if I killed them. Maybe I did. Maybe this is down to me.”
The words “kill me” written in bold and circled could also be seen.
Other words appearing on the A4 paper were “foreign objects”, “slander”, “tired”, “crime number”, “diagnosis compromised”, “risk factors” and, repeatedly, “help me”.
A total of 257 handover sheets were found during searches, of which 21 included the names of babies she is alleged to have harmed.
Letby denies all the charges.
The trial continues.